In The Name Of God The Most Merciful, Most Compassionate

7 Things your Muslim wife won’t tell you

by Wajih Ahmed

Filed under: Family,Featured,Lifestyle,Marriage |

Couple Untitled by Julia Manzerova / Creative Commons

Most men have a hard time understanding women. Even a woman they’ve been married to for years. One minute she’s perfectly fine, the next, she’s crying like a baby. She complains about something but when we offer advice on how to fix it, she still isn’t satisfied. After several years of marriage (and counseling) I’ve learned to not worry so much about what my wife says. Instead, I should worry about what she doesn’t say.

1. Above all, She Wants Your love

When a wife shows her husband less respect, he in turn shows her less love.

And when a husband shows his wife less love, she in turn shows him less respect.

And the vicious cycle repeats itself.

Stop this prophecy before it becomes self-fulfilling. Show love to your wife.

That’s what she wants. Love her despite her flaws and quirks.

And Inshallah, she’ll respect you despite your flaws and quirks.

2. She’s Bored

It’s the same thing every day.

Week in and week out.

Not only is she bored but she’s also tired.

She has to care for the kids and run the household and then pamper you.

Just thinking about doing that every day makes me want to crawl under my covers and hide. I can imagine how the average Muslim housewife must feel.

And let’s not forget about working woman. Many Muslim women have to work a full time job as well as hold a house down.

So brothers, I implore you, make your wife feel special. Give her a break.

Take her out sometimes. Surprise her with a surprise meal. Bring her favorite desert home.

Just do something every now and then to break the monotony.

3. She Wants to be Complimented

Appreciation. Everybody wants it. No one wants to feel as if the hard work they do goes unnoticed or even worse, it taken for granted.

Your wife does not have to clean your dirty clothes. And she does not have to cook your meals. But she does. And she does that on top of all the other things in her life:

  • Caring for the kids.
  • Working or going to school.
  • Striving to be a better Muslimah.

Show your Muslim wife that you appreciate and are thankful for the things she does to maintain you and your family. A simple “thank you” is a good start.

4. She’s Insanely Jealous

There’s a reason most women don’t care for polygamy. Be very careful how you talk about other women around your wife. Don’t ever compare your wife to another woman.

  • Don’t compare her to some female movie star.
  • Don’t compare her to your mother.
  • Never, ever compare her to your ex-wife (or other wife!)

She’s wants to know and believe that she is the center of your universe. So make her feel that way.

Even the Prophet’s (pbuh) wives got jealous. Aisha (RA) even got jealous of Khadijah (RA) who was dead.

Expect, and respect, the same type of jealousy from your wife.

5. She Wants You to Help Her become A Better Muslimah

I can’t stress enough the importance of men taking the role of leader within their families.

And that’s the problem with a lot of Muslim men these days.

Not only are they not being good leaders, they’re being led by their wives (or mothers, or other women in their lives).

Your wife desires and wants you to be her leader. And what better way to lead her than to be show her how to be a better Muslimah?

But you can’t show her how to become better if you’re not that great either. Therefore, you have to upgrade your Iman. You have to improve yourself and then pass it on to her in a gentle, respectful way.

6. She Doesn’t Like to Nag, But Sometimes You Make It Hard

It’s a common myth that women like to nag their husbands. That’s not entirely true.

Yes, there are some people (men and women) whom you can never please. No matter what you do, they’ll always find fault in something. Let’s be reminded of the following hadith:

Narrated Ibn ‘Abbas: The Prophet said: “I was shown the Hell-fire and that the majority of its dwellers were women who were ungrateful.” It was asked, “Do they disbelieve in Allah?” (or are they ungrateful to Allah?) He replied, “They are ungrateful to their husbands and are ungrateful for the favors and the good (charitable deeds) done to them. If you have always been good (benevolent) to one of them and then she sees something in you (not of her liking), she will say, ‘I have never received any good from you.” – Sahih Bukhari.

So, yes sisters should be careful about denegrating the things your husband does for you.

But very often, you brother, make it hard for her to hold your tongue.

Perhaps you’re always finding fault with her and she looks for things in your character to get even.

Perhaps you’re not working (or not working hard enough) and she has to work to take up some slack.

Perhaps you’re just not that great of a guy.

Once again, upgrade yourself and give her less reasons to complain and nag.

7. More Than Anything, She Wants a Stable, Happy Relationship With You

Women don’t get married just because they think it’s gonna be fun.

They get married because they want a happy family life and they believe you’re gonna give it to them.

Outside of her religious duties, that’s the most important thing in a Muslim woman’s life. Raising a happy, stable, Muslim family.

The funny thing is, it’s very easy for you to give that to her.

  1. Stop acting like a jerk. Be a good husband to her. Be kind. Show her you love her.
  2. Don’t threaten her with divorce or taking a second wife. Yes, you have the right to do both. But using them as threats is inappropriate and detrimental to your marriage.
  3. Trust in Allah, watch out for the tricks of Shaytan, and be patient with her. There’s nothing Shaytan would love more than to destroy your marriage.

See? That isn’t all that hard, now is it?

WakiliBappa 5pts

Masha ALLAH! What's a beautiful and brilliant piece? I assured you any good husband who read this will have to re-think and handle their beloved wives so dearly. May Allah(SWT) continue to guide, help and protect us from Staytan. Allahumma ameen!!! 

Muzzamil 5pts

When she is a daughter she opens the doors of her Jannah for her father

When she is a wife she completes half of the Deen of her husband

And when she is a mother Jannah lies under her feet

Status of a Muslim Woman

Muzzamil 5pts

It seems to me that if any scholars muftis or shiekh praise a woman

Few males get offended and become defensive

Fix up man

Antonio Londinium
Antonio Londinium 5pts

@Muzzamil Where did you see praise of a woman in this article? "She’s Bored" -  is this a praise?

"She is insanely jealous" - also praise?

Was Fatima r.a. bored?

Use your head man, there is a big difference between praise and spoiling. This kind of article doesn't offend you because first of all in Asian societies where are you from there are a lot of jerks who treat women bad. Secondly, in your culture it is usual to talk harshly to each other from childhood. That's is why when you grow up there is almost nothing that can offend you because you used to that.

But you shouldn't ascribe this kind of masochistic mentality to all other people because many of them grew up in different way with dignity. 

And for the Western countries this article as well as your opinion are absolutely irrelevant because what we see here is quite opposite - by pretext of liberation women becoming very impudent, bossy and abusive. And they still demand men to be more and more nice which ultimately leads to men becoming second sort family member with little influence. And if you claim to be proper Muslim you must understand that this system is utterly un-Islamic.  

Treating wives nicely is an obligation for every pious husband, but be sensible, don't cross the line and don't mix it with spoiling, and feministic deviation which is spreading rapidly nowadays.

Muzzamil 5pts

Dear brothers

If you find this article offensive and rude towards Muslim mens the the author was right on what he said,

It should effect you so much that you have taken your time out from you busy life to respond in a abrupt manner ,

Author or the shiekh who wrote this because this is happening with our beloved sisters around the world,

He never once mentioned that all Muslim mens a arrogant or selfish or rude which you guys are saying on here,

You are worried that other people will think all Muslim mens are bad,

By writing negative thoughts here is showing everyone what type of Muslim mens are living in this world,

If you find this page or article offensive

Than go pray two Rakat Nafil prayer and ask Allah to guide us All to the right path,

Stop moaning like this something so serious unless you expect your future or current wife to be a slave and do everything for you as you like to feel like a master!!!

Only Master Is Allah

Correct you negative thoughts and think of our brothers and sisters dieing in Palestine and other countries,

This article ain't about you immature thoughts,

Prophet Muhammad (may peace and blessings of God be upon him) said: "Treat women well and be kind to them; they are your partners and committed helpers."

lartsa17 5pts

Reading this article has only reinforced my notion that marriage in this age has only become a means of making a slave out of the man, stripping him of his free time and essentially forcing him to consider his wife the center of the universe. Throughout this article, the writer shames, guilts and admonishes the husbands for the problems/difficulties in their marriage. Not once has the author laid stress on compromise, the very foundation of marriage. It takes two to tango. Problems in marriages are to be resolved through dialogue, reason and compromise; not one party submitting to the other. 

Being bored or wanting more love are not valid excuses for wives to be difficult towards their husband in particular and their family in general. If she's bored, she should take up a hobby.

I agree that one shouldn't compare one's wife to movie stars but that still doesn't mean she can let herself go. Proper exercise, diet and weight management go a long way in maintaining the youth and beauty. Besides, most guys don't place great emphasis on looks but everything has a limit.

Being complimented goes both ways. Undue compliments are harmful to one's character. If someone does something praiseworthy, they should receive due credit but it shouldn't be the basis of a quarrel between them.

In conclusion, the writer needs to adjust the tone of his language. In this age of equality, this article can go both ways. Spouses should compromise with each other to maintain a healthy married life, if not for themselves then for the children.

LStan 5pts

@lartsa17 if you have a wife, she has my condolences. poor woman.

ummu abdallah
ummu abdallah 5pts

BarkAllahu fik. I hope men will take this advice. A woman's happiness lies with the happiness and love from her husband. Loosing this makes her life miserable. Pls men fear Allah and be nice to your wives. Dear muslim brothers and sisters pray for me for I'm not happy in my marriage. May Allah help us

far east
far east 5pts

my english is not so im sorry.

there is a story about a man who had a problem with his wife and he cannot stand it. everyday is the same thing. fight, fight and more fights. this happen because he thinks he is a man and a leader. ofcourse some men cannot tolerate if the wife keeps on nagging and having their own thought.

he decided to see umar al-khatab (which turn out to be the khalifah ar-rasyidin at that time), when he was standing at umar al-khatab r.a door, he heard umar's wife yelling and screaming, masyallah, so he decided it was a bad time (and ofcourse confuse with the incident, like heck, umar al-khatab r.a is the khalifah and the most fearsome among others).

umar al-khatab called him when he already walked a few feet away from the house. he told umar what happen in his house with his wife (and of course told umar that umar's wife is the same). umar smiled. she let her do that without even talking back to her for a reason. the reason is she is his wife. she doesnt have to bear his child but she wanted to, she doesnt need to cook for the family but she did, she doesnt need to clean up the house but she insist and there is a lot of things that she doesnt need to do but she did anyway. so is it wrong for her to give out her own opinion? to show anger when she think something is not right? and above all, to express her feeling as a human being.

what umar did was keep quite, he didnt raise his voice to her nor raise his hand because she is his wife, the mother of his child and ofcourse, his maiden in heaven.

hope this gets to you guys...asslamualaikum

InaamHaq 5pts

JazakAllaah Khayr for this really wonderful article. Such advice are really much needed these days, given that the Shaytaan is becoming ever more successful in what he loves most - breaking marriages.

I just have one point to ask. Does a Muslim wife have to wok outside? If so, then are there any preconditions?

Antonio Londinium
Antonio Londinium 5pts

It is clearly something wrong with those who call themselves Muslim nowadays. Someone tells you: "Stop acting like a jerk." And you are saying: "Thank you brother, JazakAllahu kheiran, awesome advice....."  What is wrong with you?

Your applause to this article might mean the following:

1) You think that majority of Muslim men are jerks, 

2) You consider yourself as a jerk,

3) You don't have a bit of dignity.

You still support Islam but you are kind of "disappointed Muslim" and when some Arab or Pakistani lets you down  or don't behave "cool" or does something you don't like you tell "Ah, this Muslims always like that". And this is because you have weak Iman and horrendously poor (or modified) understanding of Islam which makes your position close to apostasy.

That is the reason you don't tell the author: "Hey, this is not the Islamic way of giving advice!" or "Muslim men are not like-minded cloned sheep, there are idiots within any group on this planet, but there are some lions also so don't you dare to talk like that."

I just witnessed a case when one brother, good brother, not a jerk at all, got seriously ill and while he was in hospital his wife took his kids and left. And no, he was not violent (is this the first thing you thought about?) or something like that, just he was "not working hard enough" as the guy author said, which means he was poor. And after that when you see article of another sheikh Mickey Mouse generalising "stop being a jerk" rubbish you just feel sick of it.

Ladies, don't rush to celebrate this article in happy-clappy manner because if something sparks it doesn't mean it's diamond. Feminism is not about equality, but to disrupt order decreed by Allah. Violations you hear about are not about Muslim men but rubbish tribal cultures and their followers. Do not fall into this trap. True Muslims do not follow emotions but commandments of Allah only.

When Prophet Muhammad s.a.w.s. run to Hadija r.a. frightened and seeking shelter how did she react? "Hey, be a man....." or somthng like that? No, she was not impudent feminist, but one of the best women of whole humankind. And she was not like that because Prophet made her like this, but because it was HER personality. True family is not freaking barter: "if you treat me good I will treat you good", but selfless sacrifice for beloved one.

Muzzamil 5pts

If someone treats you bad it's ok to treat them bad?

Two wrong don't make a right

If you are very religious and love your religion than let Allah deal with someone who hurts or does bad to you

Patience my brother patience

If u get married your wife treats you bad you should pray that Allah guides her if not Allah will hear your pain and move her away from your life

It don't give your the right to become a bad person and throw away you religion to score points

Hashumu 5pts

We muslims have to be a good example to that insah-Allah

MohammadAhmadSiddiqui 5pts

by reading the post i feel that,both the sides are becoming too demanding. a muslim(male or female) is concerned with giving more and dosen't care much for receiving,because he knows his reward is with his ALLAH(S.W.T)......if a person is a good muslim he will automtically be a good student,friend,son,daughter,husband or wife.......the thing is we should think more about what ALLAH(S.W.T) will think about this act........if we stick to this basic principle of islam.none of the problem will emerge...may ALLAH(S.W.T) bless us all........

Muzzamil 5pts

By the way

Woman don't need to do anything if they don't want to for their husband,

They ain't your slave or sex machine,

There is no where I have come cross that woman have to do anything for you,

Those with donkey mentality thinking woman are their slave wake up to reality,

When ever you think that think of your mother and sisters,

Grow up

Learn to respect everyone and maybe you might get far in life

Mustafa 5pts

@Muzzamil What a condescending way of speaking. If women don't have obligations, neither do men. If women don't want to be good spouses, they don't need to be married. The same goes for men. Muslims are entirely free of need of such nasty comments like yours.

Muzzamil 5pts

Brother Mustafa

This is what I mean about Muslim brothers and sisters

Always fired up when reading something not understand a word,

What did I say that exactly is nasty or maybe you must be in a opinion that get married to a woman and let her do everything while you sit back,

It don't work that way

It's a two way relationship, give and take

Where did I come across nasty???

Please explain exact word that you found so nasty that you had to comment,

What I said is reality and is happening,

Woman shouldn't be treated differently just cause you are the man,

LStan 5pts

@Muzzamil you are totally right of course, but people will always try and find a way to complain and make obvious they didnt read a word you said!

Muzzamil 5pts

Dear all Muslims

This is the problem with all of yous,

The brother put some advice with good intention

No one is asking u to agree

So if you don't think this is not good for you save your tongue and don't waste your thoughts here,

Go do something which will benefit you

It's the problem with Muslims who ain't even got a clue of religion,

Respect each other,

Some of you don't even pray one time a day but want to put another Muslim person down,

Learn to reflect each other thoughts and opinions

Rather than replying with negative comments and making others laugh at us all

CherieParshallDavis 5pts

Why don't you help her with the chores instead of bringing a dessert?

biliman 5pts

That's absolute truth. 

ayesha mehboob
ayesha mehboob 5pts

This article is so good ... Thing is that just follow islam and see how hazarat muhammad may allah be please with him was as a husband and how his wifes were they all were our role model. We need to stdy our deen understand it in better way. Subhan allah there would be no divorces insha allah. Main thing is that husband and wife must find the ways to understand each other and hide each other flaws. If they do so they will never get bored to each other , just talk to each other find solutions of prob together and you will see that you will the happiest couple of this world. Masha allah.

May allah help us all. Ameen

Mustafa Miah
Mustafa Miah 5pts


This article has enlightened me with things that I should or can improve on to be a even better husband. After all what ever we do in life it should all be to please our creator.May Allah give us better understanding of his deen on try to practice upon it, Ameen.

peacelove4ever 5pts

SubhanAllah this could save many husbsnd and wives marriage or help future husbsnd and wives later in life. Those who truly love each other will try to understand eachother and communicate with each other and the most vital part to marriage is both husband and wife compromising and having patience with each other. May Allah bless all couples with a successful marriage and may all the couples enter jannah together and help increase each others imaan ameen

maria ayubkhan
maria ayubkhan 5pts

i dont understand people raising negtvty out of this article. what ever written in the article i find it very much true and a very good peice of advice for all the men out there.

after all its all about playing you part effectively cuz you will b answerable to Lord bout duties regardless of wat role the other party has played.

hasasimo 5pts

If it wasn't hard, the divorce rate wouldn't be so high. Of course it's hard. And it's hard because there's nothing divine about marriage. It's a failed, man-made institution that leaves people bitter and resentful. 

#5 will definitely rile-up feminists. "How dare I be led?"

#4 is funny. Goes to show how unnatural polygamy is. Heck, marriage to one person is such rewardless hard work that even it exposes the institution's true lack of divinity, as the common marriage symptoms in the article demonstrate.

Fouad 5pts

@hasasimo If this was an article about how to avoid your business partnership falling apart/keeping business partners, or even clients, happy, would you say that businesses are failed institutions?

Zamrrin 5pts

thanks for u a advice...

HassanSowkath 5pts

Awesome advices ........ Jazak Allah Khairun for sharing this .... Peace.

afrahalabayaty 5pts

Just makes me wanna cry, because I have experienced the opposite of the kind of these advice and twice.

And this is just said it all. But too late. That ship has sailed now for me in this life.

Shafique Ali
Shafique Ali 5pts

could you please give me the reference?? that.. the Prophet’s (pbuh) wives got jealous. Aisha (RA) even got jealous of Khadijah (RA) who was dead.?? @

commnet 5pts

Thanks a lot for your hard working according to learn and learn over.

Dervis 5pts

Selams Brothers and Sisters 

I have thoroughly enjoyed this lovely article keep up the great work. 

SamarHassan 5pts

any refference plzz   ...

our wife does not have to clean your dirty clothes. And she does not have to cook your meals ...

Madiha 5pts

@SamarHassan I do not remember the reference, but I have read this hadith a long time back myself. It is true. It is not a wife's duty to clean a house or do any of the chores. It is a husband's responsibility to provide her with domestic help that can take care of all these things. If a husband cannot afford it, then ALLAH asks wives to do it as a favor for their husbands for which they'll be rewarded in afterlife.

A wife's duties include leading a pious life and protecting and saving herself for her husband. It is her duty to take care of the children's brought up and to make sure that they become good Muslims. It is also her duty to spend her husband's money the way he wants and not waste it. Few other things that I cant remember now. 

You may not believe me, but I can only say that Im not lying. If I find the reference, I'll be sure to post it here.

Abd Al Wadood
Abd Al Wadood 5pts

what is important in these discussions is to emphasize that men and women are different. therefore what seems normal to you might seem abnormal to your spouse. to make a marriage work such fundamental differences need to be respected and not mocked. for example in the article below point number 4 may seem strange to many men. we don't mind if our wives compare us to movie starts to be honest. but women do mind so that should be respected. and women shouldnt be judged on that.

anyhow i feel that men's side of the story should be heard as well. so here we have as supplement to article below, the several things that husbands want from their wives:

1. a wife should really look after herself. if you are going to let yourself go then it is only going to complicate your life with your husband. so try and look your best whenever possible. look pleasing to your husband. it's not that hard to do. 

2. don't humiliate your husband when he displays an emotional side. it is often that women complain of emotionally detached husbands yet when they do display emotion they insult them by telling them they are acting like women or not being man enough. that should be avoided.

3. we hate it when wives want us to guess what they are feeling. if there is a problem then just talk about it without wanting your husband to guess what the problem is. 

4. when men don't love their wives the wives stop respecting them. so men should show more love to their wives. however wives should also not make this a self-fulfilling prophecy and respect their husbands even if they seem to be less attached to you. 

5. with the arrival of kids, husbands should still get some of your attention and should not be completely neglected. 

6. Be kind to your husband. many men have difficulty in expressing themselves. if you are unkind then they will not confide in you many things which will cause problems in your marriage eventually. 

7. don't be ungrateful to your husband whenever things get bad and remember he isn't perfect; yet has in the past done things to please you. 

so if you are a woman and find yourself tutting impatiently over this list then know that some men did the same when they read the article below. and both are wrong. unless there is mutual respect and acceptance of diverse needs there can never be a happy relationship.

LStan 5pts

@Abd Al Wadood maybe the issue is for all of you men to quieten down and listen to what MUSLIMAS have to say. you are getting angry at muslim women yet a man wrote this article. seriously men are really good at trolling themselves.

micheletariq75 5pts

<5. She Wants You to Help Her become A Better Muslimah

"I can’t stress enough the importance of men taking the role of leader within their families.

And that’s the problem with a lot of Muslim men these days.

Not only are they not being good leaders, they’re being led by their wives (or mothers, or other women in their lives).

Your wife desires and wants you to be her leader. And what better way to lead her than to be show her how to be a better Muslimah?>

This is the most ignorant, sexist, culturally influenced post, reflective of what is wrong with many Muslim men. Muslim women don't need Muslim MEN to lead them, they need partners in life. When I look around the community I see young Muslim women doing AMAZING things, engaged in all kinds of endeavors that enhance the lives of those around them. It is sad that they are often relegated to "the back seat" because the truth is their talents are often being utilized outside the Muslim community because of it. They have to answer to Muslim men who are often less educated, less experienced and less knowledgeable, just to assuage their egos and some patriarchal justification that men are supposed to be the "leaders". Throughout history we have many examples of strong Muslimah leadership, Bilquis is even mentioned in the Quran and extolled for her leadership qualities, and that was centuries ago( when is the last time you heard that mentioned in a khutba?). It is the sign of a  weak man that needs a woman be his "follower" instead of his "partner". This is an immigrant mentality that often attracts the salafi converts but often fades quickly as an ideal for most female converts. 

Asiyah 5pts

I don't agree at all with "Your wife desires and wants you to be her leader. And what better way to lead her than to be show her how to be a better Muslimah?" That is definitely not the case with every muslim couple!!!!!! Most of the time the men are over ruling their wives lives and therefore we have a huge number of depressed women!!! 

Shafique Ali
Shafique Ali 5pts

@Asiyah Dear sister five fingers are not all Muslims Man also are not same there have huge number of man who want to treat or treating their wife's like a princess :) so don't worry.

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