By: Jamiatul Ulama
Source: Jamiatul Ulama
The topic of In-laws is one that needs to be focused on alot more. Far too many people are miserable because of it. Far too many marriages have broken because of it. Far too little is openly said about it. It is reaching a crisis situation and it is said the darkest places in hell are reserved for those that remain silent in times of moral crisis.
So please brothers and sisters read and share. Forward to as many people as possible. Help as many people as possible and if all else fails PRAY. Pray for all the married couples in the world. May Allah create mawaddah and rahmah in their hearts for each other. A healthy marriage is a healthy home with healthy children. The children that are the next generation of this beloved ummah!
To all the Married Brothers out there: Do not let your parents or siblings, especially your mother and sisters, run or ruin your marriage:
- Before you got married your sisters enjoyed a temporary privileged closeness and access to you and that was alright.
- Now that you’re married your wife takes priority over everyone including your sisters, regardless of how close they’ve been to you.
- Your sisters must respect your marriage and your wife’s position, and you must protect and defend your wife’s position, dignity and respect by prioritizing her above your sisters.
- Everyone in the family needs to respect her privacy and personal space. They can no longer walk in and out of your room as before. They can no longer expect you to be there for them as before.
- You are her protector and maintainer. It is your duty to protect her from all harm – physical and emotional. You are duty bound to protect her honour and dignity at all times.
- You and wife are one. Never make decisions alone with your siblings or sisters without involving your wife.
- Maintain a balance between your wife and your family members.
- It is incumbent to learn all your duties and responsibilities before marriage. Many men go into marriage knowing nothing except what they have seen around them.
Many a time he is surrounded only by un-Islamic cultural practices where the wife is brought in with her only role being a slave of the family.
This ignorance makes many men say things like “You are replaceable my mother and siblings are not” whenever the wife seeks to find comfort or protection from him. Being told such things only creates feelings of insecurity and animosity.
You end up being the loser by missing out on the immense love and intimacy only a wife is able to provide as an insecure woman will be too afraid to love or commit to you fully.
Ask yourself – how would you feel if your father told your mother she was replaceable?
Sisters & Mothers: Please respect your brother and son is now a married man. Understand he has rights and responsibilities over another person now:
- You cannot expect him to have the same amount of time for you as he did before. You cannot have discussions or make decisions with him alone anymore. He is no longer alone but one of a pair.
- Mothers: You helped your son get married. You helped bring another familys prized possession into his life. They have entrusted him with their amanat. Help him to fulfill that trust.
- Remember your son is not really yours! He is on loan to you from Allah SWT to be taken back at any time.
- Your main duty as a mother toward him is to help and ensure he is ready for his return back to Allah.
- Insist he fulfills his rights and duties towards his creator as well as in all his interpersonal relationships.
- Do not make this hard for him. If you truly love him you will help him on the road to jannah. He cannot attain this jannah if he does not fulfill the rights of his wife.
- Your son will not stop loving you now that he loves his wife. He has enough room in his heart to love more than one.
- Islam gives a very high standing to a mother. Paradise lies under her feet. Many mothers however use this along with the natural love sons have for their mothers to emotionally blackmail their sons into spending more time with them or doing more for them at the expense of the wifes rights.
- Trampling the rights of others or oppression is a grave sin. Do not invite the curse of the oppressed upon yourself. There is no veil between an oppressed persons dua and Allah even if that person is a disbeliever or flagrant transgressor!
Husbands before you blindly follow your sisters and mothers commands check to see if what lies beneath her feet is paradise or hell:
- Allah SWT has given us free will and the mental capacity to reflect. If what your beloved mother orders or recommends is injustice to your wife you have a right to POLITELY AND LOVINGLY say no.
- There is no obedience to mothers if it involves disobedience to Allah. Always put Allah first.
- Learn your religion. Learn to distinguish between religion and culture. Haraam is Haraam even if everyone is doing it. Don’t be a sheep and follow the masses.
Be the change you want to see in the world.