By: MuslimMatters
Source: http://muslimmatters.org/
Disclaimer– Adults Only.
Married 5 years, Live Your Fantasy
Raised in the 90s, before the internet, with an Eastern, conservative, immigrant upbringing in the US, I was clueless about sex. The only exception was the “Sex Ed” class in middle school, which briefly covered the anatomy and physiology of the body parts and then jumped right into STDs, methods of birth control, and attempted to convince hormone raging teenagers, who had no boundaries, to practice abstinence for the majority of the program. Even this class, my parents only angrily allowed me to partake in.
My mother NEVER spoke to me about this subject, [read Parenting series] and I dared not ask; we just didn’t have that kind of relationship. I don’t blame her; she was raised in a different society. When I got my period, she told me what a shameful thing it was, [read Muslimah’s Guide to Puberty: How to talk to your daughter about Adolescence] and how I had to hide it from my whole family. To the point that I even woke up with my family for suḥūr while on my period, and essentially wouldn’t eat while at home, afraid to get caught by them. I was so shy, or a “prude” as some people would like to call it, I refused to get a Pap smear done because I just couldn’t imagine laying in such a position in front of ANYONE.
And then came the pre-marriage years, when my parents wanted me to like the guy, marry him, and move in with him – all in one weekend. My thoughts… “Over my dead body will I be stuck in the same room with a guy I don’t really know that well emotionally.” And so, I came up with this crazy idea to have the nikāḥ first and then, a couple of months down the line, move in with him. So, we agreed. Still clueless on the ‘birds and the bees’ issue, I was petrified of that magical night. My expectations… none. As long as his needs are satisfied, I’m successful, right? Isn’t that what’s supposed to happen?
After our nikāḥ, in preparation for our wedding reception months later, my husband and I talked about this subject. I attempted to educate myself about sex from the Islamic perspective, but well, there wasn’t much out there. I was too cautious – scared to look within other sources because I was afraid I’d come across “inappropriate information”. A friend of mine gave me the sage advice to just use lubrication, and everything else would be fine. Wow, thanks.
So, here’s what I have learned:…
Read the entire article at MuslimMatters.org.
