By: Maryam Hedayat
Source: muslimvillage.com
What must the mother and the husband in the hospital waiting room have thought as the expectant woman emerged from her ultrasound scan in floods of tears? Surely there was something terribly wrong with the child she was carrying?
From the woman’s point of view, at least, there was indeed something wrong. But rather than having been told that her unborn baby had a life-threatening congenital abnormality or some other defects, she had, in fact, been informed that she was having a girl.
But she is not the only one in feeling unhappy with the gender of her child. Indeed, so common are such feelings of disappointment that it is now a recognized psychological condition, known as Gender Disappointment.
‘I cried in bed for two days,’ says one woman, a mother of two girls, upon discovering that her third child was also a girl.
Another couple of two girls describes: ‘We honestly don’t think that we will ever get over not having a boy. We think about it every day, and the disappointment never goes away.’
In fact, son preference is particularly widespread in almost all countries of the world. Female infants and girls are prejudiced against when it comes to nutrition and health care. In most cases girls are aborted or killed following the birth or set out.
Due to the advances in technology, determining the sex of the fetus in the womb is now possible very early on. Largely when the parents come to know that it is a girl, they become disappointed and the family members or even the mother does not bother to care herself.
The traditional preference for sons is deeply rooted in the structure of the society. In most communities sons enjoy a great deal of social prestige.
In South Asia, China, and Middle East the death rate for girls in comparison to boys of the same age is double.
Common wisdom is that the preference for sons is motivated by economic, religious, social, and emotional factors and norms that favor males and make females less desirable.
Parents expect sons but not daughters—to provide financial and emotional care, especially in their old age. Sons also add to family status, wealth and property while daughters drain it through grants.
The real-world implications of gender-preference attitudes in most countries around the world are telling.
This sex preference is also very common in Arab countries as well. There are families where the repeated attempts to produce a male child result in large numbers of female children.
A new survey has found that almost half of people of the world would prefer to have a baby boy than a baby girl, 48 per cent of respondents admitted they wanted a son more than they wanted a daughter.
By contrast, just 28 per cent said they would rather have a girl, while 26 per cent said they would be content with either sex.
None of the religious texts in the world denounce ‘preference for sex’ in as clear and articulated a manner as those of Islam.
In fact, the teaching of Islam disapproves of the attitude of parents who are disappointed at the birth of a daughter. Love and affection for a newborn child should be the same, regardless of gender.
Islam make it clear that Allah is the One who creates, and Allah alone is the One who chooses whether a child will be a boy or a girl. It is not something for us to despair over, because that would be like questioning Allah’s wisdom.
The Qur’an reminds:
“To God belongs the dominion of the heavens and the earth. He creates what He wills. He bestows children, male or female, according to His will. Or He bestows both males and females. And He leaves barren whom He will, for He is full of knowledge and power.” (Qur’an 42:49–50).
While in many communities, sons are given preference over daughters, in Islam, this is not permissible. If parents provide their sons with a good standard of education they are supposed to provide the same with their daughters also.
Not only should parents be delighted at the birth of a daughter, they should treat her well and raise her in mercy and kindness. Islam encourages this attitude, and reminds us of boundless love and care for children regardless of gender.
Our Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) once said: “The one who raises three daughters well shall be rewarded with Heaven.”
Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) himself had four daughters who grew to adulthood, and he was an example to others of how lovingly to treat a little girl.
I suppose, we are not as progressive and advanced as we think we are. How can we not have changed in this area despite the drums of higher education and human rights?
People normally say as face-saving that they do not care about which gender, “as long as the baby is healthy”. But the contrary unfortunately seems closer to reality.
Children are one of the greatest blessings of Allah and a source of happiness.
Instead of getting unhappy or worried over a girl or a boy we must be thankful to Allah for this precious gift. There are many families who are without children.
Instead of discriminating between a girl and a boy, we should be concentrating equally upon the education and training of both as they together constitute and make a better society. That is the true spirit of Religion and humanity.
The views expressed in this article are the author’s and do not necessarily reflect those of MuslimVillage.com.