61 replies to this topic

[cucurbit]

someones bagging out lesbians now.

[maimat]

someones bagging out lesbians now.

if a sister doesn't want kids, obviously the next step is for her to transform into a lesbian1!11!!

[maimat]

That comment really scared me, because should we really be raising our daughters to 'serve' their husbands. While I agree that pleasing your husband and being obedient to him is pleasing Allah, educating yourself is important too.

I don't think anyone is denying that a wife who behaves in a way that pleases her husband (and vice-versa) is doing something virtuous. But the context in which the comments were made was inappropriate. The poster stated that the only role a muslimah should fill is that of a mother/housewife. That's obviously not true.

That said, for the young women who do want to get married and their parents say no because they haven't finished college/uni, I think the parents are doing a great disservice. I have proof all around me that you can be married and complete your education. In fact there are women that go back to uni after being married, some with kids too. I know someone who has three kids and a husband, and is studying medicine. Not everybody can do that, but she is proof it is possible.

It really depends on the context. While some parents do go over the top, making it impossible for their kids to get married, there is often wisdom in what they say. Some couples can make their marriages work when one or both of them are studying full-time, but it's difficult and not everyone can do it.

What it comes down to is balance. Being raised just to obey a husband is not the way to go. SubhanAllah there are so many educated Muslim women out there who are making a massive difference to the Ummah in the form of doctors, nurses, teachers, politicians (yes!) and writers, to name but a few. I especially admire the sisters in the medical field because I know that I would much prefer to be treated my a Muslim female doctor as they would know about issues like modesty (for the most part). And yes, not every sister, and especially the younger ones, can manage to study and be married. So why not complete the one before you go on to the other?

Everybody is ready for marriage at a different age. Our marriage dates were also written for different times in our lives. Getting married when you're not ready/committed is unhealthy, and pushing your daughters (and sons) into doing the same is extremely unfair!

[Nowzad]

That comment really scared me, because should we really be raising our daughters to 'serve' their husbands. While I agree that pleasing your husband and being obedient to him is pleasing Allah, educating yourself is important too. That said, for the young women who do want to get married and their parents say no because they haven't finished college/uni, I think the parents are doing a great disservice. I have proof all around me that you can be married and complete your education. In fact there are women that go back to uni after being married, some with kids too. I know someone who has three kids and a husband, and is studying medicine. Not everybody can do that, but she is proof it is possible.

As for being grateful that you have a proposal, yes you should be grateful, but that doesn't meaning jumping for the first man that proposes just for the sake of being married. Majority of those marriages won't work out. Compatibility is important. You have to have at least some of the same interests and enjoy some of the same things, otherwise what are you going to do together? I have a friend who is married over a year now and is having lots of trouble because they are not compatible - may Allah swt make it easy on them. Ameen.

What it comes down to is balance. Being raised just to obey a husband is not the way to go. SubhanAllah there are so many educated Muslim women out there who are making a massive difference to the Ummah in the form of doctors, nurses, teachers, politicians (yes!) and writers, to name but a few. I especially admire the sisters in the medical field because I know that I would much prefer to be treated my a Muslim female doctor as they would know about issues like modesty (for the most part). And yes, not every sister, and especially the younger ones, can manage to study and be married. So why not complete the one before you go on to the other?

Everybody is ready for marriage at a different age. Our marriage dates were also written for different times in our lives. Getting married when you're not ready/committed is unhealthy, and pushing your daughters (and sons) into doing the same is extremely unfair!

However the Prophet (s.a.w) advised to marry at a young age??

[bahram]

Why do all these marriage threads get so popular? Some of the comments have been - especially on the MV front page which displayed the original article - let's say they've been interesting.

The formula as I understand it (this is coming from an unmarried man so take it with a grain of salt) is quite simple, the man wants to be respected and the woman wants to be loved in the overall scheme of things. I think a woman being educated does not necessarily entail that she will not show respect towards her husband, or be good to him. Even a non-educated woman can be rude to her husband, always argue with him and throw his words back at his face. The issue here is one of adab, the wifes adab towards her husband, and the husbands to his wife.

So long as both parties keep their egos in check and be civil with on another, and not pick apart each others words and argue ("You said this, then I said this. He said then she said. You never do anything for me... etc), then I don't believe an educated woman would make a bad wife. It's about the manners of both.

I also think some people are missing the point thinking that the man being the amir of the house somehow makes him the authoritarian ruler. He is indeed the amir, but that does not mean your wife is your slave, she is your wife. You have to approach the situation with some wisdom, and not abuse the position you've been given. It's also good to remember that the Prophet consulted with his wives when making decisions, and he took consultations seriously, being the serious and dedicated person he was (SAS). And he was and always will be the most manly of men ever (SAS).

Just my two cents.

[Shamsy]

^ Jazakullahu khair. Much appreciated.

[Astral]

This idea that women are not getting married because tghey are too picky or hard headed is simply incorrect. I have a few friends who are 30+ and all of them have been hoping and looking to get married for a long time. And honestly, I say this with absolute no bias, but they are the sweetest females I know. Their problem seems to be that they are just too nice....and reserved... they don't flaunt it... or have the big circle of friends or family to get hooked up with somebody. I agree with the article where it says some girls just have to stand in the check out aisle at a grocery store and get noticed, whilst others have to try harder and be more patient.

Seriously, I find that more younger married women are more snobby, narcissistic and hard headed than many unmarried older women

[ahmedk]

Please go there and respond to these comments. The only reason we allow them through is for someone to hopefully refute them (which is usually the case).

By the way, I haven't checked the latest stats, but yesterday alone we had 1200 people read the article!

[amats]

Please go there and respond to these comments. The only reason we allow them through is for someone to hopefully refute them (which is usually the case).

By the way, I haven't checked the latest stats, but yesterday alone we had 1200 people read the article!

clearly raidah is going to have a job for a while haha...

[ahmedk]

Please go there and respond to these comments. The only reason we allow the "strange" ones through is for someone to hopefully refute them (which is usually the case).

By the way, you should see some of the stuff we delete.

[injoyandsorrow]

Do you delete double posts?

[Dishdash]

Haha!

[ahmedk]

Yes

[ahmedk]

Yes

[Nouhed 'Nev']

Islamically speaking - if either the man or the woman enters the marriage and they are still studying, as a minimum the other spouse has to accept this going into the marriage, if they personally object to this before the marriage, they can agree to end the spouses studies. Nonetheless if he/she is studying before marriage, and after the marriage contract the other spouse obects, the student has the right to continue studying. Of course other issues may arise that may affect the studies (i.e. birth of a child etc...), then other Islamic issues come into play - at then end of the day it goes well beyond just meeting rights and responsibilities, much more is achieved when the Qur'an and Ahadith are taken as quidance.

Then again I have heard of couples in the situation where the wife continues her studies (and other similar scenarios for the husband and/or wife), and there are no issues with the marriage as the both manage their marriage together as a unit.

sorry my 2 cents

That comment really scared me, because should we really be raising our daughters to 'serve' their husbands. While I agree that pleasing your husband and being obedient to him is pleasing Allah, educating yourself is important too. That said, for the young women who do want to get married and their parents say no because they haven't finished college/uni, I think the parents are doing a great disservice. I have proof all around me that you can be married and complete your education. In fact there are women that go back to uni after being married, some with kids too. I know someone who has three kids and a husband, and is studying medicine. Not everybody can do that, but she is proof it is possible.

As for being grateful that you have a proposal, yes you should be grateful, but that doesn't meaning jumping for the first man that proposes just for the sake of being married. Majority of those marriages won't work out. Compatibility is important. You have to have at least some of the same interests and enjoy some of the same things, otherwise what are you going to do together? I have a friend who is married over a year now and is having lots of trouble because they are not compatible - may Allah swt make it easy on them. Ameen.

What it comes down to is balance. Being raised just to obey a husband is not the way to go. SubhanAllah there are so many educated Muslim women out there who are making a massive difference to the Ummah in the form of doctors, nurses, teachers, politicians (yes!) and writers, to name but a few. I especially admire the sisters in the medical field because I know that I would much prefer to be treated my a Muslim female doctor as they would know about issues like modesty (for the most part). And yes, not every sister, and especially the younger ones, can manage to study and be married. So why not complete the one before you go on to the other?

Everybody is ready for marriage at a different age. Our marriage dates were also written for different times in our lives. Getting married when you're not ready/committed is unhealthy, and pushing your daughters (and sons) into doing the same is extremely unfair!

[Astral]

HEY! InJoyAndSorrow

Are YOU married yet?

[~JewelofAllah~]

Islamically speaking - if either the man or the woman enters the marriage and they are still studying, as a minimum the other spouse has to accept this going into the marriage, if they personally object to this before the marriage, they can agree to end the spouses studies. Nonetheless if he/she is studying before marriage, and after the marriage contract the other spouse obects, the student has the right to continue studying. Of course other issues may arise that may affect the studies (i.e. birth of a child etc...), then other Islamic issues come into play - at then end of the day it goes well beyond just meeting rights and responsibilities, much more is achieved when the Qur'an and Ahadith are taken as quidance.

Then again I have heard of couples in the situation where the wife continues her studies (and other similar scenarios for the husband and/or wife), and there are no issues with the marriage as the both manage their marriage together as a unit.

sorry my 2 cents

I agree with you completely! I got married at the beginning of my final year at uni, and Alhamdulillah although sometimes it comes with added difficulties (especially because we live in different countries), but I would not do it differently. I am grateful that I got the opportunity to finish my degree, and I know that my husband is not opposed to me continuing my studies if I wish.

My friend is getting married next weekend, and she is also going to be starting her final year at university, which her husband-to-be is fine with. She has managed to transfer to a university closer to him, and I'm sure they will work things out to suit them. In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with it, as long as you can cope. Some people will find it more difficult than others, and this also depends on the intensity of their studies.

[Nouhed 'Nev']

Masha'Allah Allahu Akbar Masha'Allah Alhamdulillah, very happy to hear that, congrats on the studies and the marriage! It sounds like both of you are quite level minded and suited to each other masha'Allah - 'it takes two to tango' so it sounds like both of you are on the level.

True some people may find it difficult to marry whilst studying, however from what we see in the world around us it seems that if two people are mature and ready whilst they are in university, people should make marriage achievable and if everything is OK they should go for it.

I agree with you completely! I got married at the beginning of my final year at uni, and Alhamdulillah although sometimes it comes with added difficulties (especially because we live in different countries), but I would not do it differently. I am grateful that I got the opportunity to finish my degree, and I know that my husband is not opposed to me continuing my studies if I wish.

My friend is getting married next weekend, and she is also going to be starting her final year at university, which her husband-to-be is fine with. She has managed to transfer to a university closer to him, and I'm sure they will work things out to suit them. In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with it, as long as you can cope. Some people will find it more difficult than others, and this also depends on the intensity of their studies.

[Sidney]

Yessss....

[CM786]

^ UM if its really you, congrats, mabruk, if you are replying to this topic, yes means you are married???? Allah Akbar. *I cant find the duff emoticon lol*

When, ,where, who and how? Share your lovely story InshaAllah

[Hijab]

Well that is really awesome post and that written perfectly. Well i am not married and right now 23 but i hope and pray to ALLAH that my life partner will care and love me and together we will be like helping hand for each other.

[Masjidah]

When, ,where, who and how? Share your lovely story InshaAllah

I've set time organizer on my cellphone to alarm me to back to this thread within next 2 months.

[CM786]

I've set time organizer on my cellphone to alarm me to back to this thread within next 2 months.

Lol, are you and UM I mean Sidney related Im confused

[Masjidah]

Lol, are you and UM I mean Sidney related Im confused

hehehe...no, we're not related...but I need two months before can answer this "Are You Married Yet?" question, if you care to wait...

[CM786]

^ don't wait too long sis, or else he will be taken

[muslimah_a]

No , InshaAllah one day

[Masjidah]

^ don't wait too long sis, or else he will be taken

I'm married now - Alhamdulillah.
With an Afghan.
It's long story.
I love him.

[Mounir]

Who wants to get married. I'm looking for a girl that makes 3 million dollars a year minimum. I make $250 a fortnight so I need the support. Please consider I'm in need of financial help and she needs to be as good as my mother in regards to cooking

[cucurbit]

gina rinehart?

[roobarb]

Are you saying his mum can't cook?