Jump to content


Photo

Meeting People For Marriage

Marriage Single

346 replies to this topic

#61 Joumana

Joumana

    The blessing of prayer...

  • Sisters
  • 1,817 posts

Posted 15 September 2008 - 07:04 AM

Salams,

Actually they get the visa and you get a tip....a kid or 2. :(


:lol:
  • 0
He who asks is a fool for 5 minutes, but he who doesn't ask remains a fool forever...

#62 pepe

pepe
  • Brothers
  • 13,180 posts

Posted 15 September 2008 - 10:20 AM

Ok ok - since I'm into in this whole equality business, this one is for you bro:

Posted Image

:D
  • 0
The Monoculture’s complaint about Islam amounts to only one demand: Be like us!

#63 ocean

ocean

    God's Lonely Man

  • Brothers
  • 9,807 posts

Posted 15 September 2008 - 11:00 AM

^ :lol:
  • 0
--If Religion was Object Oriented Language (eg: C++) then Islam would be equivalant to Base Class and a Muslim would be an Inferface Object.

--There is no greater act than trying to explore what is greater. 


#64 Shamsy

Shamsy
  • Moderators
  • 6,249 posts

Posted 15 September 2008 - 04:19 PM

True there are rotten marriages here there and everywhere...

But with o/s guys there is a very obvious risk you take as in there is a good chance hell dump you after he gets his citizenship... But with someone here... There isnt really that sort of risk....

Unless you take someone who is God-fearing like the naseeha of Rasullulah and always beware of the akhlaq... i guess if a potential has these two qualities under his belt it wont matter if hes from here there or anywhere.

Moving along...
  • 0
O you who are seeking your Lord, when has your Lord ever looked to your physical body's prostration in comparison to the hearts,
Learn the Prostration of the heart! Habib Umar bin Hafeedh.


http://meetmyscarf.blogspot.com.au

http://thehajjofkingsandqueens.blogspot.com.au/

#65 Pearl

Pearl
  • Members
  • 69 posts

Posted 15 September 2008 - 06:58 PM

Sis you got an older brother or uncle that could act as your Wali? Perhaps the fellas feel a bit too much pressure to impress, meeting with your parents there but might feel a little more relaxed if you have a meeting or two with a brother or uncle (or someone else your parents approve of as a Wali) there?

Just a suggestion,

Cat


Salam Cat,

My brother won't have anything to with it, he says I'm old enough to make my own decisions. He also says that while my parents won't allow me to see guys, he trusts me not to do anything stupid and doesn't want to be involved. So not much help there. My Uncles are older, so its the same thing as parents...
  • 0

#66 Pearl

Pearl
  • Members
  • 69 posts

Posted 15 September 2008 - 07:02 PM

True there are rotten marriages here there and everywhere...

But with o/s guys there is a very obvious risk you take as in there is a good chance hell dump you after he gets his citizenship... But with someone here... There isnt really that sort of risk....

Unless you take someone who is God-fearing like the naseeha of Rasullulah and always beware of the akhlaq... i guess if a potential has these two qualities under his belt it wont matter if hes from here there or anywhere.

Moving along...


AGREED :)

This is why whilst I have had the overseas option come here to me, I haven't explored it. My cousin went through hell with an overseas guy. She started roaming the streets at night.

This is not to say all men from overseas are like that, you can't judge a book by its cover.
  • 0

#67 Tahirrah

Tahirrah

    • × •HeKtic• × •

  • Former Member
  • 1,944 posts

Posted 15 September 2008 - 07:02 PM

Wait, I don't understand...Why won't your parents let you see guys?

When you mean see guys you mean guys coming to visit you at your house, right?
  • 0

#68 Pearl

Pearl
  • Members
  • 69 posts

Posted 15 September 2008 - 07:05 PM

Well people don't go to your door to ask for ur hand straight away, rather they go to your door to get-to-know-you better cause they have an interest (Maybe recommended by friends or family friends, or have accidentally seen you somewhere)

Apparently theres some sort of disease in australia that makes expectations high. If you are one of those people who can go overseas and come back together, then that is an option. They don't ask much overseas and most would be more practicing and caring



I don't expect them to come to the door with proposals- LOL. That's what I was talking about, recomendations. How do you get to know people without dating then?

Overseas...not for me
  • 0

#69 Pearl

Pearl
  • Members
  • 69 posts

Posted 15 September 2008 - 07:06 PM

Wait, I don't understand...Why won't your parents let you see guys?

When you mean see guys you mean guys coming to visit you at your house, right?



They will allow them to come over, but they won't allow seeing them elsewhere.
  • 0

#70 Shamsy

Shamsy
  • Moderators
  • 6,249 posts

Posted 15 September 2008 - 07:08 PM

Thats the Islamic way though... Why would you want to see him anywhere else? Unless you have someone else with you two then its just asking for fitna.
  • 0
O you who are seeking your Lord, when has your Lord ever looked to your physical body's prostration in comparison to the hearts,
Learn the Prostration of the heart! Habib Umar bin Hafeedh.


http://meetmyscarf.blogspot.com.au

http://thehajjofkingsandqueens.blogspot.com.au/

#71 Tahirrah

Tahirrah

    • × •HeKtic• × •

  • Former Member
  • 1,944 posts

Posted 15 September 2008 - 07:10 PM

^^^ Yep I understand. But really, who'd want to meet a guy outside without there mahrams etc. Its just crazy!!!
  • 0

#72 Pearl

Pearl
  • Members
  • 69 posts

Posted 15 September 2008 - 07:16 PM

Salams,

Alhamdulillah we are fortunate enough to have the blessings of our creator ..ALLAH.

Pearl.. what a wonderful nickname, I'm sure your a real pearl sis but my comment to you is,,, it's hard to find the right partner anywhere in this world not just in Australia. You live in Australia and I recommend that you mix within our Islamic community and find Mr.Right ...right here in Australia.

You say that you are getting many proposals approaching from the door, isn't that the right way a man is surpose to enter. I suggest you allow these so called grooms to at least enter as a guest and a guest is the guest of Allah. Cause you said that you haven't let them through the door as you believe they're not what your looking for. Sis how would you know them if you haven't even let them in, that doesn't make sense. At times we may hear about the man things and make quick decissions but really they turn out to be nothing like we're told. I believe that you should let these men that are honest enough to come from the door than try to come from a window...lol.


Another thing you said.....My parents and I are traditional and like to follow the islamic way. Well sis if this is what you want then I suggest you let your parents have the first say and wait till that right person walks in your home.

Sister Rawina


Aww, your soo sweet sister Rawina, thanks.
That's a good point sis. I just feel that there are certain genral qualties and attributes (such as deen, family background, education etc..) that give you an idea of what you are after.

Is is wasting your time and the time of others to invite people over that you feel you will most likely not have an interest in?
  • 0

#73 Pearl

Pearl
  • Members
  • 69 posts

Posted 15 September 2008 - 07:19 PM

Thats the Islamic way though... Why would you want to see him anywhere else? Unless you have someone else with you two then its just asking for fitna.



Of course I wouldn't. That is my whole delimena...the guys I am meeting the traditional way do not seem to be suitable. And the others want to see a girl on who own....
  • 0

#74 GreenOz

GreenOz
  • Moderators
  • 26,431 posts

Posted 15 September 2008 - 08:36 PM

Attend the Marriage Toolbox in November inshallah in Sydney or in Brisbane. They will be held in the first few weeks.

by the way, what is the traditonal way that everyone talks about? I am sure we are aware that Khadija (ra) asked the Beloved Prophet when she was his boss. I think the correct word is "cultural" as opposed to "traditional Islam".

Pearl's concerns are legitimate and all too common and i think she is posting out of frustration because the traditional method you all keep talking about has not been enough to find her prospective husband to be.
  • 0
the world is full of hibee jibees

#75 Cat

Cat

    BROTHER Cat

  • Members
  • 858 posts

Posted 15 September 2008 - 08:52 PM

Salam Cat,

My brother won't have anything to with it, he says I'm old enough to make my own decisions. He also says that while my parents won't allow me to see guys, he trusts me not to do anything stupid and doesn't want to be involved. So not much help there. My Uncles are older, so its the same thing as parents...


Your parents are right, you shouldn't see guys without a Wali present, but you already know that Sis as you've stated (alhamdulillah).

That said, if a guy is really interested in you Sis he will meet you with your parents present because he will both respect your wish to do so and he will also have the same standards himself.

Hang in there, believe me when uni starts you'll have a whole new agenda :)

GreenOz has given some good advice too, something to consider.

Salaam,

Cat
  • 0

#76 MrWarraEnib

MrWarraEnib

    Member to Remember!!!!

  • Brothers
  • 5,723 posts

Posted 15 September 2008 - 09:56 PM

I'm pretty sure from what i heard that Khadija wanted to marry the prophet, but she didnt propose to him, she asked one of her workers to talk to the prophet if he is interested.

I Remember the shiekh saying something along them lines.. just adding some info :)
  • 0
We are one, but we are many,
And from all the groups of Islam we come,
We share a belief,
And pray to one god,
I am, You are, We are Australian Muslims

www.abdulbasitonline.com :)

#77 Pearl

Pearl
  • Members
  • 69 posts

Posted 15 September 2008 - 10:05 PM

Attend the Marriage Toolbox in November inshallah in Sydney or in Brisbane. They will be held in the first few weeks.

by the way, what is the traditonal way that everyone talks about? I am sure we are aware that Khadija (ra) asked the Beloved Prophet when she was his boss. I think the correct word is "cultural" as opposed to "traditional Islam".

Pearl's concerns are legitimate and all too common and i think she is posting out of frustration because the traditional method you all keep talking about has not been enough to find her prospective husband to be.



Thank you, someone understands me !!!

That is the problem, seeing people with a "wali" is not just what my parents want, it is also what I want. However, it is not working for me.

GreenOz- the traditional way is when a guy sees a girl someone by coincidence or has people suggest a gal to him and he sees her parents to ask if they can get to know each other. Their disussions are within the family home (usually) with a wali present.

The trouble is that people here are becoming westernised and believe seeing parents makes things harder and more formal. They see it as a proposal rather than a way of getting to know an individual.

How does the marriage toolbox work?
  • 0

#78 Pearl

Pearl
  • Members
  • 69 posts

Posted 15 September 2008 - 10:09 PM

Your parents are right, you shouldn't see guys without a Wali present, but you already know that Sis as you've stated (alhamdulillah).

That said, if a guy is really interested in you Sis he will meet you with your parents present because he will both respect your wish to do so and he will also have the same standards himself.

Hang in there, believe me when uni starts you'll have a whole new agenda :)

GreenOz has given some good advice too, something to consider.

Salaam,

Cat


Well Cat,

Alhamdulilah, for me uni is over. I just finished my masters for good in June. I'm going to my graduation in June. LOL

I'd like to think that they would respect my wishes, but anyway all is predetermined.

tx :)
  • 0

#79 Pearl

Pearl
  • Members
  • 69 posts

Posted 15 September 2008 - 10:11 PM

I'm pretty sure from what i heard that Khadija wanted to marry the prophet, but she didnt propose to him, she asked one of her workers to talk to the prophet if he is interested.

I Remember the shiekh saying something along them lines.. just adding some info :)



Not that I would ever do such a thing, that works when you know people exist hehehehehehe
  • 0

#80 Mosty

Mosty

    Yes... zey do teach suber sayian fiqh at al-Azhar

  • Moderators
  • 5,897 posts

Posted 15 September 2008 - 10:31 PM

Meh, this whole wali issue is totally abused these days. In the Shafi'i madhab a man can walk up straight to a lady and tell her he's interested and then he goes through the wali and makes things formal. And in the Hanafi madhab you don't even need a wali to have a valid marriage. But of course this is not to say that you shouldn't go through your wali, you should get their blessings.

It's like these parents have this messed up view that it's haram to know the person your going to marry before marriage. Rather, they expect the girl to accept this guy she knows nothing about because he's from the village, or has a good income, or he's distantly related somehow.

Whether or not our Mother Khadija ® proposed to Rasuallah :saws: directly or through a friend is besides the point. The point is that she was interested and made the first move.
  • 0
To get what you love, you must first be patient with what you hate.
- Imam Al- Ghazzali ®

#81 Bint Halal

Bint Halal

    DAM3ET 7OZN

  • Former Member
  • 6,445 posts

Posted 15 September 2008 - 10:47 PM

And in the Hanafi madhab you don't even need a wali to have a valid marriage. But of course this is not to say that you shouldn't go through your wali, you should get their blessings.



Comes in handy for some people.
  • 0
Don't tell people not to tell you certain things, because they'll tell you exactly what you told them not to tell you!

Always Guilty before the sin, I can't win!

Khaybar, Khaybar yaa yahood, jayshu Muhammad sawfa ya’ood

#82 Cat

Cat

    BROTHER Cat

  • Members
  • 858 posts

Posted 15 September 2008 - 11:18 PM

Well Cat,

Alhamdulilah, for me uni is over. I just finished my masters for good in June. I'm going to my graduation in June. LOL

I'd like to think that they would respect my wishes, but anyway all is predetermined.

tx :)


Ah sorry Sis, I got mixed up, I thought youd said somewhere you were about to start uni. Alfa Mabrook by the way :D

Cat


Meh, this whole wali issue is totally abused these days. In the Shafi'i madhab a man can walk up straight to a lady and tell her he's interested and then he goes through the wali and makes things formal. And in the Hanafi madhab you don't even need a wali to have a valid marriage. But of course this is not to say that you shouldn't go through your wali, you should get their blessings.

It's like these parents have this messed up view that it's haram to know the person your going to marry before marriage. Rather, they expect the girl to accept this guy she knows nothing about because he's from the village, or has a good income, or he's distantly related somehow.

Whether or not our Mother Khadija ® proposed to Rasuallah :saws: directly or through a friend is besides the point. The point is that she was interested and made the first move.


Mosty, there's a difference between a man and a woman getting to know each other with a Wali present and arranged marriage. Noone is saying that a girl should marry a guy she knows nothing about but that they should get to know each other in the company of a respected guardian, not by going on dates by themselves etc.

Cat
  • 0

#83 Mosty

Mosty

    Yes... zey do teach suber sayian fiqh at al-Azhar

  • Moderators
  • 5,897 posts

Posted 15 September 2008 - 11:32 PM

Mosty, there's a difference between a man and a woman getting to know each other with a Wali present and arranged marriage. Noone is saying that a girl should marry a guy she knows nothing about but that they should get to know each other in the company of a respected guardian, not by going on dates by themselves etc.

Cat


Yes of course, my biff is with parents who want their daughters to virtually know nothing about their prospective husbands until marriage. And that's not fair, gender interaction is not haram (so long as it's within the prescribed shar'i boundries). If you go to uni, you engage in gender interaction all the time. And yeh, I wasn't suggesting going on dates on their own at all lol :P
  • 0
To get what you love, you must first be patient with what you hate.
- Imam Al- Ghazzali ®

#84 Cat

Cat

    BROTHER Cat

  • Members
  • 858 posts

Posted 15 September 2008 - 11:39 PM

Yes of course, my biff is with parents who want their daughters to virtually know nothing about their prospective husbands until marriage. And that's not fair, gender interaction is not haram (so long as it's within the prescribed shar'i boundries). If you go to uni, you engage in gender interaction all the time. And yeh, I wasn't suggesting going on dates on their own at all lol :P


Definitely bro, I hear ya, Id like to biff those parents too :P

Cat
  • 0

#85 Angel

Angel
  • Sisters
  • 647 posts

Posted 15 September 2008 - 11:52 PM

Only your visa! :P


LOLLL

people seem to be really frustrated with the whole marriage issue these days... like som of the others have said since we're obviously running out of males in this place.. the guys better start doing their second rounds for those that feel really neglected
  • 0
"Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself" Leo Tolstoy

#86 OhMyGod!

OhMyGod!
  • Former Member
  • 7,322 posts

Posted 15 September 2008 - 11:54 PM

double post
  • 0
Behind every successful man there is a surprised woman.

#87 OhMyGod!

OhMyGod!
  • Former Member
  • 7,322 posts

Posted 15 September 2008 - 11:56 PM

Thank you, someone understands me !!!

That is the problem, seeing people with a "wali" is not just what my parents want, it is also what I want. However, it is not working for me.

GreenOz- the traditional way is when a guy sees a girl someone by coincidence or has people suggest a gal to him and he sees her parents to ask if they can get to know each other. Their disussions are within the family home (usually) with a wali present.

The trouble is that people here are becoming westernised and believe seeing parents makes things harder and more formal. They see it as a proposal rather than a way of getting to know an individual.

How does the marriage toolbox work?


Don't feel pressured to do otherwise than what you have stated sis. Start a marriage off on the right note so it does not end on the wrong note ... :)

All the successful and happy marriages that I know of involved the male and female getting to know each other by family visits to the home etc.

From a female's perspective, when a man does that (rather than request a few cafe meet-ups and chats on the phone), he is showing that he is clear and pure in his intention. I have so much respect for men like that. But also women should keep in mind the importance of a wali - a wali is someone we can trust, more often than not having more experience and wisdom (and connections for those reference checks :P) than ourselves, and so to involve the wali from the beginning is to stay on the safe side.

This is an area that no one should abuse - marriage is important in Islam (it is a Sunnah of our beloved prophet (pbuh)) and we should always seek to respect it.

Ok - that is my serious post for the night! Feels awkward :P Serious hijab off, silly hijab on :D
  • 0
Behind every successful man there is a surprised woman.

#88 Shai*

Shai*

    Goooozfraaabaaa

  • Sisters
  • 9,302 posts

Posted 16 September 2008 - 09:39 AM

Salams,

I met my husband once or twice outside of home, with my mum's knowledge, and with my now sister-in-law and brother-in-law. We met outside purely to see if we had enough of a connection before turning it into a family affair. After that, he came over to my place about every second day. We all gained weight those few months from all the sweets my mum made :cry:
  • 0
More like an Emo parade for the boys. We'll hire some violinists from Austria to serenade you while you all cry & whinge - Mercurial

You were born with wings. Why prefer to crawl through life? -Rumi

#89 *Leila*

*Leila*
  • Former Member
  • 4,111 posts

Posted 16 September 2008 - 11:14 AM

Assalam Alaikum,

my two cents, there isn't a lack of decent single brothers for the amount of sisters wanting to get married, I think we need to get this out of our head.

Just keep making du'a to Allah SWA. He always provides for us in every way we need. Just keep doing what you need to do in your life, do what is right in front of you. If somewhere along the way you are particularly interested in someone for marriage, make a move, if nothing eventuates of it, then just get over it and move on, it obviously wasn't good for you. Don't despair of finding someone but marriage can't be set up as the be all and end all of our lives, it is a means like anything else not an end, and we all have different means to our true end, I suppose. Anyways, not that it is worth much, just my opinion, but I had to say it, it would have lingered in my mind other wise.
  • 0
Ethics is the science of right action

#90 arabella

arabella
  • Sisters
  • 2,053 posts

Posted 16 September 2008 - 12:25 PM

but marriage can't be set up as the be all and end all of our lives, it is a means like anything else not an end, and we all have different means to our true end, I suppose.


word :star:
  • 0




"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I'll meet you there..."
-Rumi



Reply to this topic



  


0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users