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Wife Vs Husband


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#1 RuMaySa

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Posted 12 February 2004 - 09:07 PM

Wife Vs Husband

:lol: :lol: :lol:


A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."


A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied,"The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men... The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"


A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time." The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!


Husband and wife were in the midst of a violent quarrel, and hubby was losing his temper. "Be careful," he said to his wife. "You will bring out the animal in me."... So what?" his wife shot back. "Who is afraid of a mouse?"
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#2 Stranger

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Posted 12 February 2004 - 09:11 PM

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL.....that was hilarioussssss!


the in-laws one was a classic!
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#3 GreenOz

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Posted 12 February 2004 - 09:17 PM

:lol: HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE :lol:

Light humour is always good 8)
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#4 Astral

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Posted 12 February 2004 - 09:49 PM

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time." The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!


Aint it the truth ... aint it the truth :(
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#5 aber

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Posted 12 February 2004 - 09:53 PM

you know why God allowed men four wives? Because we are just so amazingly perfect, and one of us is just not enough. On the other hand, God allowed women to marry only one man...and hey.... I aint complaining! One is enough! Ooof!
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#6 Sam

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Posted 12 February 2004 - 10:11 PM

Oi!
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Israel's strategy: "The beatings will continue until morale improves"

#7 Stranger

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Posted 12 February 2004 - 10:18 PM

lol.... 8)
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#8 mona

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Posted 12 February 2004 - 10:31 PM

Salam

that was very funny. and very true :lol:

Salam
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#9 GreenOz

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Posted 12 February 2004 - 10:32 PM

the gals are certainly out in force on this thread 8)

even Sam was speechless with his two letters
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the world is full of hibee jibees

#10 Stranger

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Posted 12 February 2004 - 10:46 PM

lol what guy wouldnt!
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Too Many People Wear A Title Of A Muslim, But They Don't Practice Islam...


#11 GreenOz

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Posted 12 February 2004 - 10:49 PM

ok, lets turn up the heat a little....

why was a man created first?

because u have to have a draft before the final and perfect copy


[Hanan cyber-escapes]

Peace
Hanan
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the world is full of hibee jibees

#12 Al-muntahaa

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Posted 12 February 2004 - 11:41 PM

Why are a woman's feet smaller than a man's?

:mrgreen:

so they can get closer to the kitchen sink :mrgreen: :twisted:

I think the gender icons are to no avail, this thread will seperate the monsieurs from the madams
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#13 GreenOz

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Posted 12 February 2004 - 11:50 PM

3. Marriage : It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master :mrgreen:
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the world is full of hibee jibees

#14 Guest_Alif_*

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Posted 13 February 2004 - 12:40 AM

Salam

Afroz wrote:

To everybody on this forum, my salaam to you all. I have finally returned to home from an exhausting yet most rewarding trip to U.S.


So what brings you back if the trip was so rewarding?????????????
hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe....for all those who KNOW :wink:

Not everyone will understand this post, but to those who do, I think he recently signed his life away.............looooooooooooooooooooooool :P

Peace
Hanan


From: http://islamicsydney...highlight=#5405

I am amazed....simply amazed... :P :P :P :P :P

#15 Guest_Alif_*

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Posted 13 February 2004 - 12:42 AM

3. Marriage : It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master :mrgreen:


A HD, that is ! :!:

You have failed your marriage workshop training! A BIG ZERO, I tell you ! :!:

#16 Sam

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Posted 13 February 2004 - 12:45 AM

A man in his 40s bought a new BMW and was out driving on the motorway at top speed when he suddenly saw flashing blue lights behind him. There's no way they can catch a BMW, he thought to himself and sped up even more. Then the reality of the situation hit him, What the hell am I doing?! he thought and pulled over.

The traffic cop came up to him, took his driving license without a word, and examined it and the car.

'It's been a long day, it is the end of my shift, and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go.'

The man replies, 'Last week my wife ran off with a policeman. I was afraid you were trying to give her back.'

'Have a nice weekend, sir' said the officer.
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Israel's strategy: "The beatings will continue until morale improves"

#17 Guest_Alif_*

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Posted 13 February 2004 - 12:47 AM

hahahahahahahaha! :!:

That's funny! :shock:

Go Sam! 8)

Take'em all on ! :D

#18 Guest_Alif_*

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Posted 13 February 2004 - 12:50 AM

Okay...this one is for all those PSYCHOLOGISTS out there! :lol: :lol: :lol:

-----

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"

After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.

The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"

"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

#19 Sam

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Posted 13 February 2004 - 12:58 AM

My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, good food... She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" She said, "Somewhere I have never been!" I told her, "How about the kitchen?"

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.

All my wife does is shop - once she was sick for a week, and three stores went under.

She has an electric blender, electric toaster, electric bread maker. Then she said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So what did I do? Bought her an electric chair.

My wife loves to shop at Bloomingdale's. I bring her mail there twice a week.

My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, "I" stayed in the bathroom and cried.

My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, "Where are you going?" My wife said, "I must be late, everyone is all coming back!"

My wife told me the car wasn't running well, there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was, and she told me it was in the lake.

My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.

My wife is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost weight, but can she climb a tree!

She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate.

She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" Following her down the street I yelled, "No, jump in!"

I bought my wife a little Italian car. A Mafia. It has a hood under the hood.

Three weeks ago, she learned how to drive. Last week she learned how to aim it.

I came home, the car was in the dining room. "How did you get the car in here?" "Easy, I took a left at the kitchen."
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Israel's strategy: "The beatings will continue until morale improves"

#20 Guest_Alif_*

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Posted 13 February 2004 - 01:03 AM

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" She said, "Somewhere I have never been!" I told her, "How about the kitchen?"


LOL! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

#21 Sam

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Posted 13 February 2004 - 01:11 AM

Ahem, [ouch] by the way that's not [ouch] my wife I'm talking about of course [ouch].
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Israel's strategy: "The beatings will continue until morale improves"

#22 Mowlana Vector

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Posted 13 February 2004 - 01:15 AM

Wife Vs Husband
:lol:  :lol:  :lol:  


Oh no ... I hate to get my feet into this, but I can’t help it after these latest creative genderised (cyber) IDentifiers B) :lol:

Posted Image

Posted Image When a man is single, he's incomplete. When he's married, he's
finished


Posted Image A man was sitting quietly reading his paper onemorning, peacefully enjoying himself, when his wifesneaks up behind him and whacks him on the back of hishead with a huge frying pan.
MAN: "What was that for?"
WIFE: "What was that piece of paper in your pantspocket with the name Marylou written on it?"
MAN: "Oh honey, remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse races? Marylou was the name of one of thehorses I bet on."The wife looked all satisfied, apologizes, and goesoff to do work around the house. Three days later he is once againsitting in his chair reading and she repeats the frying panswatting.
MAN: "What was that for this time?"
WIFE: "Your horse phoned."

Posted Image Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her
mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"
"Because white is the color of happiness and today is the happiest day of
her life," her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple.
The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So, why's the groom wearing black?" :roll: :D

Two New Additions to the Periodic Table of Elements
1) Element Name: WOMANIUM
Symbol: WO
Atomic Weight: (don't even go there)

Physical properties: Generally soft and round in form. Boils at nothing
and may freeze any time. Melts when treated properly. Very bitter if not
used well. Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses
strong affinity with gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones.
Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food.
Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen.
Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of
wealth. Probably the most powerful income-reducing agent known.
Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands!

2) Element Name: MANIUM
Symbol: XY
Atomic Weight: (180 +/- 50)

Physical properties: Solid at room temperature but gets bent out of
shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure
sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as
easily as young samples. Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO
any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself.
Becomes explosive when mixed with KD (Element: CHILDIUM) for prolonged
period of time. Neutralize by saturating with alcohol.
Usage: None known. Possibly a good methane source. Good samples are able
to produce large quantities on command.
Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and
begins to smell.
"No electronic signatures authorized."
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"So lose not heart, nor fall into despair: for you must gain mastery if U are true in faith." (The Holy Qur'an - 3:139)

"Sufficient is death as a counsel." (Saydinah Umar RA)

#23 Al-muntahaa

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Posted 13 February 2004 - 01:19 AM

WIFE: "Your horse phoned."


the famous Mrs Ed
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#24 Mowlana Vector

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Posted 13 February 2004 - 01:22 AM

the gals are certainly out in force on this thread  8)
even Sam was speechless with his two letters


No, No! Sorry to disappoint u , Sis; I think he was so flabbergasted by this mess, that he couldn't type anymore ... ;) :lol:

Posted Image
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"So lose not heart, nor fall into despair: for you must gain mastery if U are true in faith." (The Holy Qur'an - 3:139)

"Sufficient is death as a counsel." (Saydinah Umar RA)

#25 Mowlana Vector

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Posted 13 February 2004 - 01:31 AM

A man in his 40s bought a new BMW and was out driving on the motorway at top speed when he suddenly saw flashing blue lights behind him. There's no way they can catch a BMW, he thought to himself and sped up even more. Then the reality of the situation hit him, What the hell am I doing?! he thought and pulled over.

The traffic cop came up to him, took his driving license without a word, and examined it and the car.

'It's been a long day, it is the end of my shift, and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go.'

The man replies, 'Last week my wife ran off with a policeman. I was afraid you were trying to give her back.'

'Have a nice weekend, sir' said the officer.


…ok to chronicle another (on the road) ordeal, here is one more :lol:

A man seeing flashing red and blue lights in his rear view mirror
pulls to the side of the road. A minute or so after coming to a
stop, a police officer approaches the car.

The man says, "What's the problem officer?"

Officer: You were going 75 miles an hour in a 55 mile an hour
zone. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ticket you.

Man: No sir, I was going a little over 60.

Wife: Oh, Harry. You were going at least 80! [The man gives wife
dirty look.]

Officer: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail
light.

Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!

Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks!
[The man gives his wife another a dirty look.]

Officer: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing
your seat belt.

Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.

Wife: Oh, Harry, you never wear your seat belt!

The Man turns to his wife and yells, "For cryin' out loud, can't
you just shut up?!"

The officer turns to the woman and asks, "Ma'am, Does your
husband talk to you this way all the time?"

Wife says, "No officer, Only when he's drunk."
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"So lose not heart, nor fall into despair: for you must gain mastery if U are true in faith." (The Holy Qur'an - 3:139)

"Sufficient is death as a counsel." (Saydinah Umar RA)

#26 Guest_Alif_*

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Posted 13 February 2004 - 01:44 AM

LOL

This thread has become like one of those curry vs falal-lel fights :lol:

Anyhow, here is one...

------

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what?"

"What dear?" She asked gently.

"I think you bring me bad luck."

#27 Al-muntahaa

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Posted 13 February 2004 - 01:50 AM

A man seeing flashing red and blue lights in his rear view mirror  
pulls to the side of the road. A minute or so after coming to a  
stop, a police officer approaches the car.  

The man says, "What's the problem officer?"  

Officer: You were going 75 miles an hour in a 55 mile an hour  
zone. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ticket you.  

Man: No sir, I was going a little over 60.  

Wife: Oh, Harry. You were going at least 80! [The man gives wife  
dirty look.]  

Officer: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail  
light.  

Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!  

Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks!  
[The man gives his wife another a dirty look.]  

Officer: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing  
your seat belt.  

Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.  

Wife: Oh, Harry, you never wear your seat belt!  

The Man turns to his wife and yells, "For cryin' out loud, can't  
you just shut up?!"  

The officer turns to the woman and asks, "Ma'am, Does your  
husband talk to you this way all the time?"  

Wife says, "No officer, Only when he's drunk."


That's a true exemplifier of this ..

"Yaa ayuhul lutheena aamunoo qoonu qayyaamina bil-qisti shuhuda lilaahi wulow 'ala unfusikum ow al-waalidayni wal-uqrabeen"

"Believers be steadfast to the truth witnesses to allaah, even if it be against your ownselves or your parents or the near relatives ..."

Give them a little credit for their honesty :wink: :twisted:
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We have guided missiles and misguided men - MLK

#28 rain deer

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Posted 13 February 2004 - 02:48 AM

Alhamdulillah, very hilarious :) i am amazed :P
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#29 Mowlana Vector

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Posted 13 February 2004 - 03:04 AM

ok, lets turn up the heat a little....

why was a man created first? because u have to have a draft before the final and perfect copy 
[Hanan cyber-escapes]
Peace

:lol: C’mon Hanan, stop tormenting my vulnerable bros ;)

Here are some special ones 4 U guys.

MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.


GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??


BOY : Since we met, I can't eat or drink...
GIRL : Why not ??
BOY : I'm broke.

A man inserted an ad in the classifieds. "Wife Wanted".
The next day he receives 100 letters, all saying the same thing: "You can have mine".

What's the best way to stop the noise in you car?
Let her drive.

Q: How long is the average woman in labor?
A: Whatever she says divided by two.

Moe: "My wife got me to believe in religion."
Joe: "Really?"
Moe: "Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in hell."

I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.

MAN OF THE YEAR
Posted Image
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"So lose not heart, nor fall into despair: for you must gain mastery if U are true in faith." (The Holy Qur'an - 3:139)

"Sufficient is death as a counsel." (Saydinah Umar RA)

#30 Mowlana Vector

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Posted 13 February 2004 - 03:14 AM

you know why God allowed men four wives? Because we are just so amazingly perfect [my emphasis] , and one of us is just not enough. On the other hand, God allowed women to marry only one man...and hey.... I aint complaining! One is enough! Ooof!

Perfecto indeed !

and ...

“Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.”

You work out the next ones !!! ;) :lol:
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"So lose not heart, nor fall into despair: for you must gain mastery if U are true in faith." (The Holy Qur'an - 3:139)

"Sufficient is death as a counsel." (Saydinah Umar RA)



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